Back For Good to Surabaya

I know this is such a short notice... but I just need to tell you the story...

I don't have a plan to resign on my own will, though I really wish I could do it... Cause I've learnt that this is not my life, not my will be done, but His will. It has been my longing thought that I could go back to Surabaya, have a work there, and be close to my parent (they live in Madura, just 2 hours from Surabaya) -due to my condition as a single child- and my church community (my second family). But I always feel that God still want me to be where I am right now, here at Lippo Cikarang... until few days ago.

It has been 3 years and 9 months I've been working at CBN, as a WebContent Writer, as a part of IT department. It has been quite a tough journey for me, as I don't have any relatives nearby. Sometimes I feel lonely at weekends, when my other colleagues go home to Jakarta, or Bekasi, or wherever their homes are... and I'm stuck here with no family... But as time goes by, I started to get used to it... God has taught me to give thanks and always see the bright side of everything, which took me quite a long time to learn =p But He don't give up on me, so I don't give up either... It's His faithfulness that keep me survive for all these times, through many kind of moments...

So here's the story...

At the beginning of this year, I've met someone who had a plan to make an online media for Indonesian Christian Youth community. He is my elderly brother's friend. He told me that he might needed me when the media would have been built, as I had experience in an online media. I thought it might will be around next year, so I kind of forgot that offer completely.

Like I've told you, I really wish I could go back to Surabaya. And there were times when I know I wasn't let it go yet, I was still holding it so tight, though I know God wanted me to surrender it to Him and learn to trust my future completely to Him. It wasn't easy... coz it felt like I have been taken away from everything I knew (my family, my second family, my friends at Surabaya, all the familiar things for me) to live in a far-far away city and strange new people...

Despite my feelings, I know God has really fulfilled what He had told me before I took the decission to work at CBN. He told me that He would bring me to the promise land (like Israelites), and later on the journey, I found out that what He meant about "the promise land" was my calling. I joined at CBN first as a segment producer, which only lasted for 3 months hehehe... yea it was a prove that I was not created to do that =p what a stressful job for me... Until I joined in IT, as a writer for jawaban.com... I began to see what God wanted me to be, I found my passion in writing and online media. When I had just graduated from college, for the first time I asked God seriously about what He wanted me to do with my life and my existence, and I got something like media job, but I didn't know what kind of media. A blur vision at the beginning has turned into something clearer and more spesific here.

...and hey, I became a blogger since I worked as a WebContent Writer too =p What could be more fun than that? Hehehehehe... I just love writing and pouring my thoughts on paper, both online (blog) or offline (diary) =D      

Few months ago I still hold my wish so tight... coz I really wanna be there, close to my family... I can understand very well about my dad's wish... Aku tau dia yang paling berat ngelepas aku buat kerja jauh dari mereka. Waktu aku nge-rewind semuanya... ada banyak hal yang udah aku lewatin selama aku ada di sini. Beberapa pesta nikahan sepupu (kesempatan buat ngumpul ama keluarga besar 'n extended-nya), ga bisa nemenin mamaku yang dulu sakit kaki waktu dia harus sering kontrol ke dokter di Surabaya... etc... it hurts to realize that keliatannya dari luar aku kayak anak yang ga peduli ama keluarga (temen-temen papaku banyak yang negur papaku kok ngebolehin aku kerja jauh-jauh, padahal cuman anak satu, cewek pula)... padahal aku sendiri pengennya juga deket ama mereka... Aku sempet mikir, padahal ini keinginan baek, kenapa Tuhan ga mau aku balik???

Then God gave me scripture that said, "He who has more love for his father or mother than for Me is not good enough for Me; he who has more love for son or daughter than for Me is not good enough for Me." (Matthew 10:37). I didn't think of that before... It's not literally mean that I should hate my family, but I should put Him first before anyone or anything else. From that point, I learnt to have the right priority in my heart...

And when I said, "Okay God, have your way... I'm done with mine... terserah Engkau mau bawa aku ke mana, entah aku bakal balik atau di sini, atau malah ke laen tempat lagi... just have Your way... You're The God... It's all about You, not about me or what I want..." Saat aku udah mulai settle di sini, udah mulai terbiasa ama semuanya, udah ga protes-protes lagi, mulai les EF... di saat yang aku ga sangka sama sekali... my elderly brother's friend called me, asking for my availability for his job offer, that he has previously talked months before... their website will be launched by the end of October, and they need me as soon as possible. It took me only 11 days until I made my decission after I prayed, have His confirmations, and asked opinions from my elderly brother, his wife, my mom, my dad, my "brother" in my office.

Yang rada aneh itu feeling... Dulu waktu aku baru lulus kuliah, belon tau tentang Basic Training di CBN, aku tiba-tiba ada feeling yang kuat banget kalo langkah selanjutku tu bukan di Surabaya. I tried to rationalize that but I just couldn't... sampe akhirnya setelah satu proses aku menjejakkan kaki di Lippo Cikarang. Nah kali ini, feelingnya emang ga sekuat dulu... cuman gatau knapa sejak taun 2008 ini aku selalu ngerasa ga yakin kalo ada usulan rencana buat taun 2009 atau rencana yang jauh-jauh gitu... Kayak waktu ada promo gratis airasia Jakarta-Surabaya (cuman bayar pajak doang) dulu selalu langsung aku pesen, buat mudik taun depan (promo gratis gitu kan kudu dipesen antara 6 bulan - 1 taun sebelonnya). Tapi kali ini aku ngerasa ga yakin banget... aku ga yakin 2009 aku masih di sini apa gak. Trus juga ada temen yang ajakin buat rencana liburan awal 2009... aku ga ngerasa yakin juga. Aku pikir maybe itu cuman feeling biasa aja... eh ternyata feeling beneran...  

So... good bye my friends...

My IT gals... you have been the answer of my prayer 2 years ago. Thank you for your companion and care... at any time... including when I got sick... Thank you so much... You're the perfect "Yoel's Angels" now since there are only 3 of you =p of course that before the new angels come into the picture =p Keep up the spirit okay?
We'll have a girl's night before I went off for sure...

JCers... thank you for being a part of my journey while I'm here... ^_^ 

For my other friends, you'll have your personal letters from me ok? hehehe... yea I'm just such a writer =p  Or... maybe a time together =p we'll see... tapi yang pasti sebelon aku cabut pasti kudu ketemuan lah... =p

This is not a farewell forever... I just gotta take a step to the next journey...
So... keep in touch ^.^

PS: Aku baru aja nemu postingan awal tahun lalu, waktu aku ngerasa galau 'n bertanya-tanya soal kondisiku di SINI. Waw... jadi tambah amazed banget ama Dia... I'm just speechless to see Your awesome ways God...

Being a "Different" Person

Have you ever felt like you're the one strangest person among people around you?
Have you ever thought that, even tough everyone was unique, but you seemed had the most uniqueness among them?

It takes the guts to stand up and just being you when you're in a condition like that. I have tried once to act differently than the way I have used to be. But it didn't work, I felt like I was completely not me. I have some unique quirks... well actually I think everyone at least has one unique quirk. But in some cases, if you have an unusual quirk among people around you, they usually tend to give you suggestions, advices, anything they think is a good way to change you, to conform you with the "normal" habit according to their perspectives.

I'm not talking about a rebellion topic here, neither the wrong attitudes or sins. If they are the cases, then the only solution is to change them, which is started from renewing the heart. But I'm just talking about uniqueness... Something that was born within us naturally... something that supposed to has the right to be admitted, respected, and celebrated. Because it creates  colourful relationships among us.

We do have a responsibility to adjust ourselves with the community where we're in, if it's necessary. But we don't have to lose our authenticity, we shouldn't let it vanishes. God has put some different quirks in each of us, including talents, for a purpose. He created each person to fulfill a particular purpose, so He needs to put some particular ingredients to make that happen. It's just that simple.

Of course, as you already know, not everyone can grasp this truth. So we just need to be wise in assorting between the advices that we need to follow and the other contrary ones. One thing to remember, as it says:
"You were born original, don't die a copy"         

Free File Hosting - Free PDF Storage - Ebooks

http://www.filezthis.com/index.html
PDF Storage -free for max 10 MB

Testing buat E-Book "Becoming a Better Writer"
download Becoming a Better Writer.pdf

Working on Your Dream: One Step at a Time

There are two extreme sides when it comes to having a dream… One is just having a dream, wishing his or her dream would be come true, keep thinking and imagining it without doing something real to pursue it. Another is having a dream, and so hasty to make it come true, he or she wants to see the real version of his or her dream as soon as possible, mostly by costing his or her present times, health (both physicly and emotionally), relationships, and other areas of his or her life. Both couldn’t make a dream comes true the way it should. Because in everything, balance is the ultimate key.

If you just have a dream and do nothing to pursue it, you won’t going towards it nor see it in reality. Being a dreamer is a good thing, because it’s the very first step to make something new, something great, something to inspire people’s life, you can name it. But it’s just wasting your time if you don’t work on it into the next step.

You might not pursue it because you have many limitations. Well… newsflash, everyone has their limitations, even the rich ones. This is the temporary world we are live in. We have the limited source of energy, money, time, physic, etc. You might have limitation of money, others might have limitation of physic (I have a friend whose ears are deaf, but man… she has big dreams, and she has never given up. I also have a friend whose legs are crippled, but she keeps on going). We are not living in a perfect world, remember? We’re not staying in this world forever (we have this waiting status, and “waiting” is a verb while we’re still here), all of us have limitation of time. But here’s the good news, when you see yourself or your surroundings, all you can see is limitations… but when you see Him, all you can see is endless possibilities. Because “impossible” is nothing for Him.

He can open a new door, or a new opportunity, or a new phase in our life, in just a click of our fingers, just in a second. It’s an easy matter for Him. The reason why things don’t happen exactly the way we want is because He wants to work on our characters and our faith.

If you happen to be the second extreme, you might not have your dream comes true as soon as you wish. Do you ever think that maybe God wants you to practise your patience?

Do you ever think that the limitation is just His tool to slow you down, to make you understand that working on a dream is a time consuming process?

Do you ever think that He wants you to enjoy, live fully and be grateful of His gift, the present? (remember what is said by Master Oogway in Kungfu Panda movie: “Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mistery, but today is a gift, that’s why it called present” –I love this quote!)

If you’re so hasty in pursuing your dream, and at the same time you’re neglecting yourself, your relations, or maybe even other people’s life (their health, their relations, their other areas of life), don’t you think that what you’re doing is just taken His gift for granted?

King David (Daud) wanted to built the house of God at his age, but God said it was David’s son, Solomon, who would built His house. Walt Disney, he was a great dreamer (google his name, I’ve read his amazing works, and he had lived a balanced life too! I was so impressed!), and he had made great efforts to make his dream come true. And as you can see, his dreams are keep growing bigger and bigger, even after he died… It’s his next generations who continue to work on his dream. The point is, God has His own timeline.

We are a part of His bigger plan, and our lifetime in this earth is a part of His longer timeline. What we need to do is keep walking in line with Him… do our best, keep our faith (keep our sight in the eyes of faith), and keep His promises. He created each of us to fulfill a spesific purpose in His timing.

To make something great, it does take someone to dream… A dreamer who doesn’t stop just to have a dream, but who has faith, discipline, and courage to working on his/her dream, even if he/she has to start it with a small step. Just recall the history of great people, and you’ll find that most of them started with very small steps, with many limitations, and they gave their best efforts to make their dreams come true… the dreams that have reached your generations now. One step at a time, that’s all it takes.

PS: Let’s sing that song, Jordin Spark’s song! =p

Have a great dream everyone!!! And be a great dreamer!

Long Time No Writing

Yea... sadly, it's because I have to work on my job, I have a long to do list before I can go home peacefully on 27th Sept until 5 Oct 2008 for Lebaran holiday! I miss contemplating and writing so much... T_T

The only thing that encourages me right now to be in full speed of working on everything is the picture of home, and of course my parent and my cute Miky ^.^ ...plus an image about my future that is about to come quite soon...

Hmmm... got a lot to do!

Jiayouuuu...  

Disconnected

I miss the old times...
When we were all connected so perfectly (okay, not exactly perfect, but at least that was the best thing that had happened among us)
When that bonds attached us one another with encouragements, jokes, conversations, and even deep "heart to heart" talks, showed that we cared for each other's life, not only on the surface...

Now... it's just completely different...
I feel those times are so left behind...
Communication only means business, to do lists, and just "on surface" conversations

Just tell me this isn't true, I surely doubt it
Just tell me you don't feel it, then I won't believe it

Feels like I have lost your friendships... we are all only colleagues now...
I do wish for a miracle, to re-create our bonds, just like they used to be, or even better
I just don't know whether it's possible with our current condition right now
Or maybe... it's just the way it should be...

But I do hope... I do have that wish...

The Hardest Part of Choosing

There is a point in your life when you realize there are two contrary heart’s desires in yourself. One comes from your intention to obey His will and another comes from your own wish. It’s easier to choose if you know which one is good (or true) and which one is bad (or sinful). But it becomes much harder when you know that your own wish seems a good one too, it totally doesn’t appear as sin. As a matter of fact, most people called it a good character and intention. But deep in your heart, you know that it isn’t God’s will for you, at least for right now.

Well… you can choose to keep moving on through His path, like you have been doing all these times. But somehow you know that you didn’t do it with your whole heart anymore. You used to think that this journey might be temporary… but when all you can “see” is an endless road ahead, you tend to feel like you want to give up… but you know you can’t. So you just keep running on with half battery power while you’re waiting for the time when you (finally) will be able to really breath in and live the way you’ve always wished for. But with that attitude, you know for sure that actually you have not made your decission yet. Because if you have chosen one, you should have lived it in your daily life with your whole heart.

You know this is hard. Even there were times when you asked God, “Are You really on my side?”
“Where will You bring me to?”
“What is exactly Your particular plan for me?”
Sometimes it’s hard to move forward when you can’t see anything clearly… 

Remember this… the truth is… God is the Only Ultimate Story-maker.

We may have known Him as our Best Friend, our Protector, and our good Heavenly Father. Don’t you think that maybe this is the season when He wants you to know Him deeper, as your Almighty God? God who has unlimited power… God who has created you with His magnificent plans upon your existence here on earth… God who has power upon all His creations and everything… God who is an Ultimate Author of your life.    

You may not know everything. You may have so many unanswered questions. But in fact, that’s the best place for faith and trust to grow.  

…So, which one will you choose?
 

*a self reflection*